Thursday, August 31, 2006

Its late......
relatively. 2:47 am, and Im eating a piece of apple pie with strawberry cool whip on top. delicious. I need to be up at eight though. Ouch. Does apple pie spoil? I sure hope not, cuz i left it out all night. Today was a good day, I think. I got some sunlight, met a few folks which is always fun, took an hour nap, and got some free pizza. I also worked out(I guess thats why Im eating another piece), but most importantly, I met up with an old friend. It was right on time too, since Im going through some stuff, and needed to hear an encouraging word. Not that the conversation was all fluff, just that its good to talk to people with similar experiences to your
own. Instead of uptating this blog, I need to be writing my book. I know that everybody says theyre writing a book, but I really am. Its how I wanna make my living. Well, amongst other things. Not long ago, someone texted me and told me they missed me. Its nice, being missed. Sometimes I feel invisible, or like if I left, wouldnt leave a mark in anyones life. Its not a good feeling to have. I dont have dilussions of grandeur, but for the people who know me, I want to influence their lives in a good way. Maybe thats why I write. In hopes that when Im gone, my written words may be discovered, and I might be remembered. Life seems daunting, at times. I think its time for a change of scenery. My theory is that to get caught up in a routine is to live the same day more than once. If you lived one million days, but only one thousand were different, then you have only lived one thousand days. I want to live each day, not relive the same ones over and over again. Thats why its time go. Too much? Most people think Im nuts, but I dont feel I am. I just wanna live. Its getting late, and I need a glass of orange juice and a shower, but for those doubters who think my leaving talk is a bluff, watch this.......

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Today it rained....
I like the rain, and it was much needed around here. Im finding out more and more what influences creativity with me. So far I have my best friend, rain, Louis Armstrong, classical music, and wine. I just read about a Nebraska state trooper who was fired because of involvement with the KKK, but was reinstated because he was off duty when involved in their activities. Hmm, let me think about this one...I have a federal job, and know of several people(all black, but thats probably coincidental) who have been fired for similar reasons. One was fired for being arrested(unpaid tickets), one was fired for having to extensive of a history(5 yrs ago was his last arrest, and he worked for over a year before being let go), and one was fired because of bad credit. All these people are in positions of public trust, so were let go. Now we have a KKK member cop, but they say he didnt bring his ideals to work? Laughable. Not humorously, but hysterically. This hypocrisy is enough to drive one mad. Police officers are in positions of power, and to have an officer openly partake in a local terrorist group but maintain his position is unbelievable. It doesnt matter if he was off the clock; does your job allow you to do drugs as long as youre off the clock? If I was a known participant in any "militant" group(even the black panthers) I would be fired before I could say "F the police". Whats that? What can be done? Im glad you asked. Say something. Its as simple as not remaining silent that stuff gets done. How many people are going to write a letter to that police station, or the state, or anybody? How many news stations are even going to report the story? We gotta stop sitting on the sidelines and be heard. Off the subject, but where is Martin onDVD? Friends' season finale was all over the news, so was Seinfield. Martin was on the air as the most popular black show for like eight seasons, yet dissapeared off the air like a fart in the wind. I cant even get it on DVD. And go see Idlewild if you havent. Im tired of being stuck with the same old crap. Drugs, basketball, and rap. Its more to us than that...my bad Kweli. I been chilling hard all day, and wanna keep going, but I gotta go to a meeting. Or do I? Nobody reads this thing anyway...-j

In the news....
I dont even feel like talking about the news. Well, it was amusing for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (I had to copy and past his name) to challenge President Bush to a live televised debate. I seriously doubt ol' W will take him up on that....

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Today....
Well, not today, but this weekend I wasted two hours of my life on a movie. Snakes on a Plane, or as it should have been called; Snakes? On a Muthaf*&%ing Plane?! was supposed to be stupid. Instead, it was two hours of shifting uncomfortably in my chair, not because of any intense moments, but because ten minutes into the movie, after the first death, I knew I had made a terrible mistake going to see that crap. Am I weird? Does that movie not suck ax? I would think the answer(to the 2nd question) is a resounding YES, but apparently the five other people who went with me thought it was "great". Are you freaking kidding me?! But when I said I wanted to see Idlewild, they sneered at me! Unbelievable! You'll see that hack trash, but a movie that looks to be good AND cast black folks in a good light gets no support! A crying shame. In Dallas, legislation is being proposed to ban sagging jeans from the city, saying its indecency. Thats bull. Why does idiot legislation always target minorities? No "gang apparel" in the NBA, no grills in school(a little different, but still), and now no sagging jeans? Im not a fan of sagging, but to attemt to make it illegal is rediculous. I can imagine the old white folks sitting around trying to ban anything they associate with blacks; hip hop, baggy jeans, basketball. Oh snap! They did try to ban basket ball from certain neighborhoods in Dallas! Whats next on the stereotypical legislation? No frying of a chicken? No fruits bigger than cantelopes? When are people going to learn to stop stereotyping? Hip hop aint evil. Baggy jeans dont raise crime levels. Stop wasting our time by thinking up racist, first amendment infringing laws, and do something useful for once, like help the poor or something. And floss. Because apparently, brushing aint enough. Stupid cavities with no dental insurance.....

In the news....

Those two kidnapped reporters are in a mess of trouble since we "don't negotiate with terrorist". I hope this doesnt end bad..... Terry(?) Hornbuckle , the Dallas preacher accused of rape, is found guilty. "See. THATS why I dont go to church." is said 12 million times simultaneously across America..... Hells Angels wins a lawsuit against the police for the shooting of 3 dogs during raids, but they still are the worlds 2nd most organized gang(way to go Republicans)..... Isnt it nice to hear Andre 3000 rapping again?..... Friday marks the 5th anniversary of Aaliyah's death. RIP Baby Girl..... New Orleans is still messed up. People act like they forgot.....Happy Birthday Farren ......-j

Sunday, August 20, 2006

In My Life....
Today I heard the most racist thing ever. I was talking to these two white guys about the war and stuff earlier, when something strange happened. Muslims came into the fray, and one of the guys used the term "towel-head". Not the peak of racism yet. I(shamefully) corrected him and informed him the proper non-PC term is "rag-head". Thats when things got strange. He shrugged off the correction, like he already knew, and looking at the other(white) guy, said "There are worse terms, you know, that I wont use. " I didn't think it could get much worse than that, but what was strange is the look of understanding they gave each other. I do consider myself well informed on racial matters, but it was the look, and nod of familiarity that threw me. And their hesitance to use this term just made me have to know that much more. I pressed on and they finally said it....Wait for it....."Sand-niggers". WHAT?! Read it again. I'll wait....My initial response was repulsion. Its so crude, juvenile, and not even clever. The trip though was how it seemed like common knowledge amongt them! I wondered how many of these secret terms do white people have? And how often do they come up? I assumed that young white kids, especially when listening to hip hop, would use the term nigger, laborously but loosely, as some sort of guilty pleasure: kinda like when little kids used to cuss in secret. But these were adults. I wanna investigate this issue of how different people act when among their own. It seems impossible on ones own account to be able to see both sides. When it comes to race, there are no sidelines. This sounds like a can of worms to me, but Im curious. Sand-ni....... Unbelievable. Almost as much as people who deny racism still exist. Im too distracted to be thinking about that right now though, MTV is playing in the background, and apparently it makes my words be not that good. Brain cells feel like they trying to run underwater. Let me get away from this before I kill the few brain cells I have left. They dont come back, ya know. Whats going on in the news?

The rest of the world....
Tiger Woods smashes ath the PGA tourney again this year, pissing of old racist white men once again....Snipers in Iraq aim at Shiite pilgrims. Since the govmnt. knew it was a potential target, why didnt they bump up security or something?.... I dont care what anyone says, Hilary Clinton is running in '08, and its a bad idea..... Busta Rhymes is accused of beating up a guy for spitting on his car. He better chill out before people start comparing him to Mike Tyson....... and Snakes on a Plane not doing as well as predicted? I am actually shocked. I thought the dumber a movie was, the better it would sell.......-j

Saturday, August 19, 2006

In my life...
The other day, on my day off, I arranged my DVDs alphabetically. Im not organized. I was just bored. Thirty minutes of my life, wasted. Let me give you a jist of my daily routine. Maybe youll agree that I should get out of here: I awaken with about thirty minutes to get ready and leave for work, still tired. On my way to work, I pick up a slush to drink, since my AC doesnt work and its always a hundred degress in hell. I arrive barely on time to the job I hate, at which I spend the next nine hours thinking about death, and how Ive wasted so much time. After, I rush home to my crappy apartment to.....do nothing. When concious of my decaying and pathetic state, it becomes difficult, so I put aside thinking and often replace it with videogames. Occasionally, people join me. Either that, or Im online, learning about the world, which is depressing. I have trouble sleeping, so around four-ish Ill force myself into bed, and tell myself tomorrow will be more productive(ha!). Someone asked me what kind of job I wanted. I didnt have an answer. Company A is just like company B to me, the only difference is maybe more money would inspire one to work. The trouble is that money is not enough for me. My motivation for working is not getting fired and being able to pay my bills. But, my credit is messed up, I dont make much money, and I wish they would fire me, so whats my motivation? Why shouldnt I pick up and leave? Go to Spain, or New York? Ill tell you why; because Im afraid I will get there and it will be just like here. Same check to check. Same routine. Then what? The day I have nothing to dream of is the day I die. I need that "better place", even if it doesn't exist. What is a hero without a villian? What is the night without day? What is my life without a better life? And dont tell me about the afterlife: I am ready for that. My concern is the inbetween, the right now. What happens when my youth is gone? Do my dreams die young? Its no wonder why I put so much hope, and pressure, on my words. They are my children, and I can only hope that when I am long gone, they will remain.....-j

In the news......
The Lebannon situation appears to be settling down really this time. Finally, some good news about this exausting war....Was that judge really masturbating during court all this time? What a jerk.......That piece of chocolate looks nothing like the Virgin Mary. Now, that potatoe chip that looked like J-Lo, THAT was a miracle......A court rules against domestic spying. Freedom lovers, take the guns out of your liberal mouths, there is still hope for this country.......

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

In the news...
Relax, everybody. JonBenet Ramsey's killer has probably been found. Meanwhile, no suspects in the Tupac or Biggie cases.... a man in Buffalo, NY, is accused of trying to deep fry his kittens. I suspect two things: the cats probably got in the grease by accident, and since he was initially frying pork chops for some friends, he's brobably black(ouch)......In the name if increased security, the racial profiling debate has been revisited amongst many people, citing that Israel's airport, which is considered one of the safest, actively profiles passengers.......An average of 110 Iraqis died each day in July. "Operation: Iraqi freedom"?......Dell recalls thousands of notebook batteries that catch on fire, which apparently is a bad thing. I know I'm safe though, since mine won't even hold a charge for an hour.......NASA can't find the original Moon Landing tapes, some suggest Bruce Willis to star in remakes.......Police question validity of rapper Beanie Sigel's claim of being shot and robbed, say they will listen to his up coming album for clues in the case. Will black officers be offended when asked to "translate" from ebonics to english?.......The Federal Government hasn't done an annual audit in 9 years! What happened to checks and balances?.........please stop putting the events of Paris Hilton's life in the news.......Cynthia McKinney, D-GA, claim's tampered voting boothes cheated her out of the race. I don't know if it's true, but I do know these e-vote machines have proven faulty before(remember the 04 presidential race?).....-j :x

Today.....
I hate my job. Its my day off, and I normally dont think about work on my day off, but I thought about it this morning, and realized I hate my job. It started with a call from my best friend who started a wonderful, well paying new position today at a lucrative company. I am very, very excited, and typically not a hater, but hearing about how great the new job is reminded me of how crappy mine is. I was supposed to go to a baseball game with coworkers(and my boss) today. It was going to be free, and I might have had fun, but I dont wanna see anybody or anything that reminds me of that place right now. In fact, I dont even wanna talk about it anymore....
Moving right along...I sometimes wonder if Im a racist. Know what I mean? I was reading about the war, about recent terror threats, about the worlds developments overnight, when I noticed a few other stories that made the Top News list: JonBenet suspect arrested. Paris Hiltons music. Gwyneth Paltrows return to acting. And Im thinking, why is this news? Who decides whats important enough to go on the front page of CNN? Dont get me wrong, my heart goes out to the Ramsey family, and anyone else who has lost a child, but what makes one murder get covered over another? At some point unknown to me, I assumed it was a rich/white factor that decided which celebrities/events were news worthy. Is that the case? Is that what determines the scale or intensity of a police investigation? It seems like the only time blacks are in the public eye are when being accused of crimes or scandals. And, it feels like an extreme statement. I wonder if Im a racist, because I often see color line drawn, where none are agknowledged. Am I seeing things? I was thinking earlier about americas minority population percentages and how its radically not reflected in our leadership. Are minorities that inactive in electing government officials, or is it something else? I hate asking these questions when I get few answers and no solutions, but I dont think ignorance is bliss. Maybe I should go watch tv, so my brain wont have to work for a while. Oh wait, the cable is off. Does anybody watch regular tv anymore? Oh, and why is it not ok for a straight black man to like Justin Timberlake? I missed the last couple of meetings, but I thought that whole thing was been revised after his new single was bootlegged? All these rules! If Justin is still out, then I know watching "So you think you can dance" aint ok. I guess "sexy back" will have to remain one of those DL-esque secrets, like yoga, or stuffonmycat.com. Im off to eat some chicken and watermelon and watch BET. peace peace -j

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Its official: I have jumped on the band wagon. At least its not Myspace, right?
I always knew I would have a blog, even before the phrase was coined(ppl were still calling them journals year before last). I spout out opinions about current events, personal trials, and everything else to everyone in earshot, so it was only a matter of time. I suppose I should tell a little about myself and what this blog'll be about, for those who do run across it.
My name is....not important. Just call me j. Im twenty four....oh wait, twenty three years old, I guess you could say newly single, college dropout. I think I can say that officially, depending on if I take any classes this semester or not(if not, it'll be semester number three in a row with no classes). Im nowhere near completing my degree, by the way. :( This blog will not be a diary for me. At least, I'll try not to make it one. Rather, I just wanna translate the world through my point of view, in hopes of insight, entertainment, or and alternate point of view........
Moving right along.....
Front page on CNN.com is a story about an insurance company not having to pay a Katrina victim because hurricane insurance doesn't cover wind or flood damage. Why do people like to raise my blood pressure? "Hurricane" insurance doesn't cover freakin wind or flood damage? Isn't that whats makes hurricanes dangerous? I don't wanna ignorantly rant on the obvious (thats what Glen Beck is for), but this is a prime example of capitalism gone wrong. Too far? Let me break it down for you: Insurance company(multi billions) vs. Homeowner(chump change). Doesn't matter who's right or wrong, all that matters is who can afford to spin the truth in their favor. For the insurance company, this case could be a can of worms that would ruin them. If they lose this case, then it will set the tone for the thousands of other home owners with hurricane insurance to collect. The truth really is as simple as it looks: you get hurricane insurance, hurricane damage is covered. Unfortunately, the ins. company will get away just because they can afford loopholes. More money = "better"lawyers = the law being on your side = you get away with more = you exploit the common folks easier = you make more money, etc.
The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
Capitalism's ugly side.
Sure, some people will say "Hey, if they can make $33 billion a year*, then who cares: business is business." Business is business, but we are still humans. We have to intervene with "the system" on behalf of human nature. Left unchecked, they rich will keep getting richer and the poor will keep getting poorer until the degrees of separation are so extreme, 5% of the population will literally live like royalty, while the other 95% will live off their scraps. How did I go from insurance to "the evil empire rant"? My point(yes there is one) is that us common folk need more influence, and the only way to get it is to fight agains lobbyist-run/ money-hungy government, local and national...........
*$33 billion: Exxon-Mobile's profits last year.

Well, Im glad I got that off my chest. Not exactly the way I intended my first blog to go, but oh well. I think it was something I ate. If I keep typing my thought's I'll be here forever, so I'll wrap this up. I'll try to keep the rants down to a minimum in the future.
Before I go, congrats to my NY friend who just got a job. (yay)
If you know someone looking for a job, don't just say "well, good luck!" Be a true friend and look for them. It may not be successful, but looking for a job can be draining, and you might just encourage them. And stop pretending like you don't see that homeless guy. Give 'em that change you know you don't need. Good day, then to all.
Peace -j