Tonight....
Is a strange one. Un noche extrana. I feel so disconnected, so distant from life. Time lapses without rhythm or reason; first two hours, then two minutes. Now nothing. I feel like Im stuck in an abyss. Not a glib metaphor, but a moment of true uncertainty. Am I moving, or still? I cant begin to sleep, but only want to in order to end this cycle of timelessness. Am I waiting for something? Ive been here, literally only here, unable to move for who knows how long. No amusement. Not lost in thoughts, just in between time. Ten minutes have passed. I missed them, but at least I know the wheels still churn. Maybe its all in my head, but it feels real; like an unquenchable thirst. Do I stay? Do I leave? Do I write more? Maybe years of constant outside influence and amusement have left me inept in self stimulation(mental stimulation, pervo)? Maybe this is the sole source of mans need for superficial stimuli: alcohol en mass, bombardment of images and constant sound in all media, and even basic needs, like consumption for survival, mutated into overindulgence and entertainment? Maybe this moment is of a clarity so pure, I am paralyzed? Or maybe Im just bored.......-j